Forgiveness is such an essential topic for all of us to understand. Mother’s favorite bible verse was Luke 6:37 – “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven. She quoted it to me on nearly a daily basis.

Mom knew me better than anyone. Every day, I came home from school with stories of how the bullies had attacked me once again. From the standard “Four-eyes” comments on my new glasses to listening to them sing “Great big globs of greasy grimy gopher guts,” my days at school were torture. (My last name was Grimes, therefore the song.) In a class of just over thirty kids, only about ten didn’t degrade me daily. I hated being teased every day.

Coming of Age Increases the Need for Forgiveness

I came home from college in my Sophomore year and found my mother in the depths of depression. She was unable to get out of her bed. I knew immediately I was the cause of her angst. You see, I had finally told her of my sexual abuse a few weeks earlier. I was only seven the first time my father raped me. In addition to finally sharing my secret, I then threatened my father that I would tell every businessman in our community of my abuse if he didn’t gather up his possessions and leave. (Mom and I had discovered he was having yet another affair with a woman in western Iowa.

Mom had been diagnosed a few years earlier with Bipolar Disorder, and that was the reason I had come home unannounced. Seeing her reduced to nothing more than a pile of mashed potatoes made me see clearly that she could forgive him anything. She needed him desperately. I had made a major mistake telling her my secret.

Forgiveness is a Journey

Mom’s bible verse hit me like a sledge hammer. I knew I had to not only tell him I forgave him, but I had to mean it in my heart and soul.

That began a twenty hour long discussion with God. I cried, Sometimes, I yelled. I talked to God in  my bedroom. Later in the day, I whispered to him in the back yard. How in the world could I forgive the man who colored every minute of my life from the age of seven?

By late afternoon the following day, I was totally exhausted, but I had finally reached the point I needed to be at. I knew I could forgive him in my heart and soul. It would allow me to finally grow up and folllow my dreams.

Forgiveness Doesn’t Always Transform

I loaded my car with everything I wanted from my room. It was my intent to never return to my childhood home.

Then, I drove downtown and parked my car across the street from the tavern. I knew my father always stopped there after a day of work.

When I saw his car pull up, I got out of my car and walked across the street to greet him when he got out of his truck. It would be the last time I ever used the term “Dad” to address him. I didn’t use his first name either. Darrell was what everyone called him. After that day, I called him by his middle name: “Mac.”

“Dad, I had no idea how much Mom loves you. She can’t make it on her own without you. I’ve packed up everything I need from the house and I’m leaving now. I’ll never come back. She needs you to come home. Before I leave, I want you to know that I forgive you for what you did to me. I really mean that. I’m out of your life forever. Just please, please, go home to Mom.”

He stood there and looked at me for what seemed an eternity. His eyes were cold and hard.

His Words Hit Me Hard

“Forgive me? You’re the one who wanted it.”

In that one moment, I knew the man was a monster and that although I’d made peace with my past and with my God, that I would never make peace with this monster. In my mind’s eye, all I could see was that little girl in pigtails who cried herself to sleep every single night.

“You sick, sorry, SOB.” I said it calmly as I turned and went back to my car. Then, I drove back to Mom’s house. (I will point out that cursing at my father was something he understood well. Every third word out of his mouth had been a curse word for as long as I could remember.

Forgiveness Is Your Salvation

Matthew 18:21-22 – Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.

I tell you this story to impress on you that you can never heal from the transgressions you’ve suffered until you are able to forgive someone with an open heart.

Don’t carry grudges with you into the future. They will eventually destroy you. Sometimes you simply have to walk away from the people who strive to make other people’s lives miserable. Nothing you can do will change a dark heart, but you need to distance yourself from those people. Whether they are family, friends, co-workers, or anyone else you need to move on. Replace them with someone else. You do not have to carry their baggage any longer.