Being a People Pleaser Creates Anxiety, Stress, and Feelings of Hopelessness
It’s hard work trying to make everyone around you happy and keeping them that way. Sure, we want to say “yes” because it makes us feel needed, but when do we realize that being a ‘People Pleaser’ isn’t necessarily a good thing?
Overworked – Overscheduled
Being a People Pleaser puts far too much stress on your life. You never have time to do the things you want to do. You’re not getting enough sleep because you’re trying to push too many activities into each day. This isn’t a healthy lifestyle and you can’t maintain it for long. Eventually, your body will begin to complain.
At some point, your body will push back so hard you’ll have to come to the realization that you can’t possibly be all things to all people.
If you fall into the category of consistently bending to the pressures around you, it’s time you learn to simply say, “No!”
There Are Solutions – Hope Is Near
Once you learn to set your priorities life will once again provide hopeful choices.
Try sitting down each evening and making a list of the important tasks you need to complete the next day. Make sure your list is fashioned with your personal happiness, career goals, and family needs at the top. You’ll quickly learn that it’s necessary to say “no” to those who would pressure you to change your priorities tomorrow. It’s simple to rediscover the hope in a productive future when you learn to prioritize.
The first step will be in making sure you understand what another new commitment will mean to your already full schedule. Ask the person asking for help for enough time to review what this new responsibility will require of you in time, effort, and expertise.
In addition, make sure they understand the amount of time you’ll have to dedicate to their project. Let them know you can’t invest any more time than the amount agreed upon if you decide to help them.
Time to Change
Don’t ever forget how cunning these scheming individuals can be. You’ll hear a preface like, “Everyone knows you make the best Christmas cookies ever!” Train your brain to start saying “no” the minute someone starts buttering you up.
Learn to say “no” with a gracious smile. Refusing to help doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.
How many times do you hear the term, “Timing is everything?” Well, it is. If you’re already committed, there’s no shame in passing up on another opportunity to be a ‘People Pleaser.’
I won’t sugar-coat this. It’s going to be hard to refuse people’s requests when you’ve always been the go-to person.
It’s time to empower yourself to achieve your goals…it never has been about allowing everyone else to reach theirs.
Hope is in the Decision
You’re not going to be considered a ‘People Pleaser’ when you agree to help your boss prepare for tonight’s presentation at the last minute. That’s doesn’t mean you have to feel guilty when you decline to have lunch with an old friend who arrived in town unannounced.
Put yourself in their place. Make them feel like their request is important to you, even when you have to turn them down:
“I know how important this party is to you, but I’ve already committed to something else, and I can’t get out of it.” Don’t be specific. If you are, they’ll come up with a million reasons why you can change your plans to accommodate their needs.
It’s Usually NOT Your Fault
Stop apologizing to everyone.
Chances are fairly strong that you’re not the reason for someone else’s dilemma. If they committed to something, it’s their responsibility to complete the task, not yours.
Never feel guilty for someone else’s predicament.
As long as everyone understands your boundaries, you won’t run into much resistance when you have to say “No.” Just remember, you can’t simply expect the other person to respect your boundaries, you need to respect them too. If someone is offended when you aren’t instantly available to listen to them or do their bidding, it’s their problem.
You are not responsible for anyone’s happiness except your own. If you’re having trouble with this concept, The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say It — And Mean It and Stop People-pleasing Forever by Susan Newman will teach you everything you need to know.
Set Up A New Email
You heard me correctly.
Set up a new email account that no one has the address for except you.
Every time you decline to be a ‘People Pleaser’ send yourself an email highlighting the moment.
Understand that each of these emails increases your power to control your life.
Use this new email account to send yourself a congratulatory note for every new success you experience on and off the job.
Send yourself an email that details every minute and every hour you saved by refusing to constantly come to someone else’s aid day in and day out.
Before you know it, you will have reclaimed the life you’ve always wanted to live.
If you haven’t read Part 1 of this post, go here now.